Leaving early to avoid the rush?

Another stunning start to the week walking around Lake Hayes with the happy smiley Marti and Robbie

Reading ahead, I’ve discovered that the stem cell transplant next month comes with many risks. 

A legal person must have written the booklet, as it reminds me of a very long legal disclaimer listing all the horrors you may or may not develop, the worst being fatal. 

Death.

 

Everything comes to an end eventually, even us. 

We know we will die (one of those 3 certainties in life) but we just don’t want to talk about it. I used to well up with mixed emotions and eventually cry when discussing any death. Now, faced with a higher probability of my own, and a shorter life expectancy, I have a more balanced view and can talk about my own death quite rationally. 

That does not make it any easier for Sarah or family or anyone else as the immediate reaction is “of course you won’t die”; the reality is I might and I will eventually. The question is when.

Perhaps we all need to think more carefully about this eventuality and not wait for a fatal disease, terrorist bombing, plane/car/bike crash/other accident to hit us first.

Our Western culture doesn’t embrace death and plan for it like others have/do. Think about those ancient Egyptians, planning their pyramids and burials years in advance because they had to.  

I suppose the equivalent in our life time is either a will or/and a funeral plan. I don’t believe in funeral plans as they can be an insurance rip off; My little Nan took out one during the war. Paid pennies into it for years (a wee fortune at that time) and when she eventually died in 2000, the estate got approximately £100 towards the funeral; not nearly enough to cover the cost.

All risks are manageable to some extent but the only way to manage what happens after your death is to leave your loved ones some idea of what you want to happen and to sort it out as far as possible legally. That doesn’t stop the paperwork trail that someone has to unwind but it helps.

Life is complicated, especially if you have lived and worked in multiple countries and left things behind (bank accounts; pension; insurance, family, friends etc. etc.)  Making a lawyer an executor is also throwing money down the drain that could be used wisely elsewhere. I would not recommend that unless you have one in the family or cannot find someone willing to be you executor in your lifetime; they can always appoint a lawyer to help if they are overwhelmed by it all.  

This is what I recommend based on my experience in executor/family deaths and what I intend to do now:

• Write my will – you might be in the company of many famous people without one but it is a complete mess if you haven’t got one. I need a NZ will.
• Update it regularly. Births deaths and marriages in the family; buying new assets, moving country, leaving $ /£ /€ to charity (it all might change things) I need to revise mine as I haven’t looked at it for a few years.
• Check if you need one for other countries (this saves loads of time when you die as the originals have to go everywhere/ sometimes certified copies don’t do)
• Appoint a power of attorney (in case I am incapable of making decisions, doing things for myself and communicating in the future)
• Ask someone you know to be your executor; then allow something in your will for their time and trouble; most people will do this out of love but others may find it very time consuming.
• Write letter of wishes to your loved ones to explain any decision you have made, plus what you want to happen at your funeral, and other personal non-legal stuff that doesn’t go into a will that need might need explaining; or just send a message of love; always helps those left behind.  

On a more serious note, I found this article very helpful even though it is directed at Americans. It is equally relevant for all http://www.huffingtonpost.com/karen-m-wyatt-md/5-reasons-to-plan-ahead-f_b_8090996.html

Fortunately for me and as difficult as it is for her, Sarah can help me. Sarah has a wills business and is perfectly qualified (SPQRLTD.Com was set up to help people with assets in multiple jurisdictions) and she can help me with the legal side and advice on all of the above. Even when she is away, we still talk on FaceBook Messenger daily.

Strangely enough, I have been dreaming a lot about people I know, whom I have loved and who have died. Nothing is said; they are just there; silent, waiting. Maybe a wish fulfilment dream as it is not disturbing.

As I am not a strong believer in any religion, and that no-one truly knows what happens when we die, my imagination runs riot. An end to suffering would be a fine thing, if that what it is. 

My grandfather was a grave digger and lived in a cemetary lodge in Kings Lynn. I ran around the graveyards as a kid playing hide and seek but spent a lot of time reading the inscriptions and wondering who the people were. 

It was sad to see why so many grave were abandoned and overgrown and neglected.  Hence the burny fire for me. Might even make good fertiliser for a "good for cancer sufferers" rose bush.

I am mid way through the Discworld novels of Terry Pratchett. He is an inspirational British author who died aged 66 in 2015. 

He suffered from dementia but still worked and retained his sense of humour. Better than JK Rowlings and Tolkien in my view

If you have never read one of his novels, it may be time. My favourite character in his novels is called DEATH. He has some marvellous one liners on the subject:

“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…. The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.”  (from The Reaper Man)

Maybe that’s it.

Finally on a more cheerful note, the leaves are still hanging around on the paths I meander around Queenstown. Winter is coming but bits of autumn are hanging in there. Not much snow on the peaks yet; not sure how they are going to open the ski season on 10 June!

I am delving deep into my cancer cookbooks this week as the metallic taste in my mouth is now so bad, all food (unless very strong, sweet or salty) tastes of paste, vinegar or various textures of rubber. I still love cooking but it is the eating and swallowing that I am having trouble with. 

My throat has constricted and feels like a gravel path; getting pills down and keeping them down is even more of a challenge.

Even chocolate milk shake has a funny taste now.. but hey, I have to eat to live so I keep trying.

This week and next my driver to chemo treatment is Krysia, one of my wonderful Australian neighbours who entertained me throughout the trip. Week 10 underway. Sadly, I forgot to take a photo (Chemo brain kicked in) but I will capture her beautiful smiley face next time.

Love to all

xxx